On Fifth of June

The Fifth of June is another birthday for me and it means a lot as it changed a lot about my physical, spiritual and mental life. It was a long and sunny day; I woke up that day early as usual so that I couldn’t be late for the everyday morning meetings I had at eight O clock. That same day I had an evening coffee with my two good friends. 

It is something you can’t explain but I am very sure that we are connected with surroundings more than we could ever imagine. It was a day like others, with a similar schedule. I followed each and every item on it but I kept feeling lost, uninspired, unhappy, things which don't happen to me often. I was having weird feelings and negative energy I can never explain. I remember that I even wanted to cry when there was nothing to cry about. I kept pushing away those feelings focusing on my work and learning new things I had on my schedule but it kept coming. At 5:15’ I left the working place and went to meet my friends, on my way there when I was crossing the road the car almost killed me but managed to stop, I stopped for a minute thinking of what just happened, my heart was beating so fast and I continued thinking that all the feelings I had was about that failed accident. I met with my friends and we talked about this and that. They are funny, smart and book lovers like me. We talked about books, life, love and other things. It is always great to have them around. 

As we met in the middle of working days and had to work the next day we tried to make it short so that we can go home to rest. I remember that one of them had an early morning trip to the northern province in the country’s event (kwita izina) naming Gorillas’ babies. I went to take a bus. They insisted that I have to take a motorbike but I refused. I was a person who had a plan for everything and was stubborn to change it. My transportation plan was that I take a motorbike in the morning and a bus in the evening. It was both saving money and time. It wasn’t that I didn’t have money to take a motorbike that evening but I didn’t want to take one and spoil my plan. My friends even insisted that they wanted to pay for it but I refused. I hate being a burden. I always look for ways to solve my own problems without involving others. I waited for a bus and they went home.

I waited for the bus for a long time once it came I went in a hurry, I was going to Kimironko and when we reached at Gisment they didn’t turn around the roundabout instead the bus took Remera’s Road, I noticed that I took a wrong one but stayed quiet as Kimironko was not far from Remera. When we reached Remera I got off the bus and went to kimironko on bike.

I saw one of my friend’s messages asking If I have reached home on screen as a notification. I unlocked my phone and started to reply. It was then around 8:35’ P.M. before sending the message I heard a car with high speed after us and before I could think any other thing it hits us and I fell on the ground, when I was still down the car came again passed on me, I heard people screaming “this woman is crazy she hits them and she now wants to kill them” they said. The moment I fell down I put my arms around my body. I have always heard that when people are dead they put their arms in that position. I didn't want to disturb anyone. I think accepting death that quick was because of my father. He died when I was twelve and it was a car accident. I closed my eyes and said in my heart “Lord, if this is the time take me and if it is not the time protect every part of me”. I always preferred death over being unable to walk, to do things for myself. Lying down hearing the sounds of people, cars and all other things as echoes, thinking that I was dying I saw the image of my mother hearing the news of my death, I saw the sadness on her face. I prayed that the lord could comfort her. If it could have been my last breath she could have been the last face and person crossed my mind. 

When I was still thinking about her. I heard a voice of a man saying wake up girl. Well at some point I thought that I was dreaming but when I heard the voice for the second time I opened my eyes and saw two men standing, they took my bag and told me to wake up. When I was still a high school student there was a story of a person who had an accident and the head and the rest of the body got separated and the head went on talking that he was about to die yet it was real, he was dead but he didn’t know. I touched my head to see if my parts are still connected and touched my head to see if I could feel it. There was a crowd, police were there too. The two men took me on the other side of the road until then I was not feeling anything. I was so confused it was after reaching the other side I looked at my legs and shouted I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I was bleeding. The right foot looked like it wasn’t mine, it seemed like it was hanging on one muscle. When I thought of not being able to walk again I shouted. I screamed for help. I couldn't believe what was happening to me. 

After a few minutes’ same men put me in a car and drove me to Kibagabaga hospital but I could hear people on their phones saying that a woman cut off the people's legs during an accident. hearing that tortured me and I never looked at my legs again because I wanted to forget but I couldn’t. The man who was driving asked for numbers so that he could call to tell my family to come to hospital and I gave him my mother and uncle numbers. That man was a heavenly sent angel. He was the only person saying that I was going to be fine, he was telling me that he will visit me in a few days and that I will be walking Again. He asked for a friend he could call; I gave him the number of one of my girlfriends, one I thought was not far. On our way to the hospital I was not feeling the physical pain, maybe the blood was still hot at least that is the reason I gave myself but I was screaming because of the ideas I was having thinking that I might never walk again. I was lying in the car in the way I could see things through the window and I couldn’t understand or believe the way things were normal for others. I saw people walking, laughing, lights on, all movements continued as nothing had happened and I thought it as being unfair.  

It was unfair for the world to continue when I was having hard times; I know that it was really insane to think like that but I felt that way. After reaching the hospital my uncle, my mother, two friends who we were together that evening came to the hospital and after a few minutes another good friend of mine came too. Those friends were called by my girlfriend and they came right away. I could see their faces. They were scared but tried to hide it. There was this brave one, it was hard to tell if he was scared or not. His facial expressions were stable compared to others and his calmness gave me faith that I might be well in the future. but I started to feel the pain. I mean physical pain and there was a lot of blood which scared me. They transferred me to CHUK and when the ambulance reached the other hospital they took me to the urgency room. That room is scary. 

I remember that we spent many hours there without receiving any other treatment apart from checking my heart status. They kept telling doctors to come and help me but they were busy with other patients. when I was still crying I heard a woman screaming, crying for her dead husband, I felt sorry for her even thought I couldn’t see her face but I understood her words asking her dead husband why he could leave her with children, how she will manage to raise them alone, she asked God why he didn’t take her in his place. I stayed quiet for a minute, my friends are still teasing me about the way I stopped crying when I heard that someone was dead. But that woman reminded me of my mother. I remembered the way she lost her husband early and left her four children to raise. I empathised with the woman and forgot my pain for minutes. Well the idea of dying kept coming as there were stories of people dying because there is none to take care of them as there are always a big number of patients and lowest number of doctors but I was not scared because I was with my family and friends. I thought that I was at least not alone or with strangers. 

Doctors took me in at 2:00’ A.M of the next day, they asked me about the accident. Doctors have this way of bringing back a person to life by asking questions they asked me about what I do and how I do it. At the moment I was like how come these people are asking silly questions when I am dying. But those questions helped as I said to myself maybe things are not bad as I am thinking of them. They cut off the trousers I was in to treat me and joked that I will take the shorts from my trousers to the beach after healing. They asked me if I drink and I said no. They insisted as they were going to inject me with general anaesthesia. I told them that I never drink. They told me to sign so that they can proceed with the operation. They injected me with anaesthesia so that they could fix my legs. After coming back from anaesthesia I was happy. I don't know why but I was like a newly born person. They discharged us at 4h30’. They told us to come back after one week so we went home. 

Lessons

Physically

I believed and I still believe that we should take care of our body as it is a gift from God, he entrusted it to us so we should take care of it but care much more about soul. Because this body will perish but the soul is for eternity and the soul never gets old but the body changes every minute.

I couldn’t walk for months; scars were everywhere on my body but honestly I have never thought of getting rid of them because they remind me of amazing grace, they remind me that we are here to serve God’s purpose and the brevity of life.

Mentally

On the Fifth of June, I learned that this world will move on with or without me/you. I learned that kindness comes back in different forms, your kindness might come back to you in another form. From the moment of the accident to the day I walked again I felt the kindness and the love of the people in different styles. The strangers who took me from the road and never tried to steal from me. I had computer, money and other things in my bag they could have kept without me knowing but they didn’t, the man who helped me to reach to the hospital was an angel, he helped a stranger and the most important thing gave me hope, many people nowadays can’t take you to the hospital when you had accident as they fear being included in the accident case by the police but he did it. 

I learned that the last people crossing your mind are those ones you love and care about. Please tell them that you love them often. I realised that it is great to live an honest life as when you are indebted to none you leave peacefully. When I was still sick a family friend visited me and told me that they could not feel the pain I am feeling that the only thing they could do is to pray for me and they were right from that I learned that there are things which are for you alone even those people who loves you so much cannot help you. Sometimes It is you and you. 

I learned that it takes a few days to forget someone because we are nothing but dust. One day we are here another we are not. We ought to care about important things rather than what others think because it doesn’t matter. 

I learned to let go of things I cannot control, I loved being in control of everything but I learned that it is God who must be in control not me. What I have to do is to do what I have to do day by day and leave the rest in Gods’ hands.

Spiritually

After a few days’ home, my little sister whom we love a lot came home. She was at school when I had an accident. We knew her as a sensitive and emotional child before going to high school but when she went to boarding school it changed. When she reached home and saw how I was she said nothing. She took it very simple. My mother got angry at her and said that she was becoming a heartless child. “We will all die someday, it is a matter of time,” she said. We were all shocked at the moment but she was very right.

She opened my eyes, even though I didn’t die on the fifth of June there will be another day. The question become why should I thank God for saving me yet it is a must to die. I learned that I have to live with a purpose, and that I have to live just enjoying everything God created and do all I can to make things great. One of my Doctors told me that I should ask myself the difference between now and If I have died that night. Is there a difference? And I always ask myself that. So I learned that we are here to make a difference, make things better and live a life to remember.

Lastly, I learnt to appreciate and to be grateful for every priceless thing I have in my life. We often take them for granted. We think that everyone has them and we are very wrong because there are a lot of people who wish they had them but couldn’t. so we must live a happy and thankful life for having them.

Thanksgiving!

I thank Abba Father for being the best Dad and best friend for me. There is a song which is called goodness of God, it says like this “all my life you have been faithful, all my life you have been so, so good” and I really feel that way.

I thank my mother, the strongest and brave woman I know, your selfless love will live with me forever, and I love you more than words could explain.

To My lovely little sisters, being your big sister is a blessing I couldn’t trade for anything else. You are loving and responsible creatures and I love you a lot…, I have always wanted to take care of you but when I was sick you proved me wrong you are mature. You cared for me in ways I can’t find a way to thank you.

I thank my family; I thank my uncles, aunts and cousins for your love and your prayers, I love you all

I thank my friends for being supportive, funny and loving, I love you back

From the first week of the accident to the day I recovered I always had visitors, your energy was a vibe.

I enjoyed your company, May the lord bless you more than I could ask!

I found the purpose of life in Matthew 5:13-16. “Be the salt and the light of the World”